It’s been another 365 days of utter craziness, fun, laughter, pain, happiness, excitement, stupidity and every other thing u can think of on Twitter. We’ve seen it all happen in 2013: the highs and lows, the epic fails and the truly inspiring moments.
The guys at 8HarveyRoad bring to you a definitive list of the talking points and top trending topics of the year.
If u missed any or just feel like reminiscing on the past 52 weeks, this is for you.
1. Oga at the Top: What better way to kick off list by taking a minute to remember the one singular phrase that dominated the social network and walked boldy into our pop-culture. It all started when the hosts of Channels TV’s breakfast programme, Sunrise Daily, invited the then Lagos State Commandant of the Nigerian Security and Civil Defence Corps, one Obafaiye Shem for a chat on live television. The climax of his fumblings came when he was asked about the NSCDC’s web address. That was when Mr Shem made the immortal statement : “I cannot categorically tell you one now” and also “My Oga at the Top.”
Things went viral a few days later when a clip of the interview surfaced online. It trended for almost a month, people made T-shirts (it briefly outsold the “My Money Grows Like Grass” t-shirt), numerous memes were made and it inspired about 4 tracks…DazAll!
2. The Legend of the Buttercup – The 9k Saga: Half of Twitter would have been utterly disappointed (not to talk of disparaging our authenticity) if this particular event wasn’t listed.
If u never heard about the 9k gist, then we at 8HarveyRoad will gladly send u a free, starched and ironed LASTMA uniform. It was supposedly a case of a young, beautiful, innocent *Shem Cough* girl coming out publicly to accuse another fine, upstanding member of our Twitter community of offering her 9k for a night of pre-conjugal bliss. What made matters worse was that she twit-pic’d an image of his male phallus (which, tbh, we were disappointed by it’s skin tone and generally poor size).
Twitter went berserk, with thousands calling the girl names (none of which we can post here due to our anti-strong language and sex rules…Yeah, for real u f*cking b*tches!). Once again, meme creators went to work, with one particular movie-poster-like photo trending.
There have been claims that the two individuals at the eye of the storm, NickkyButtercup and Okurinm3ta had planned it right from the start. The things people do for cheap popularity.
3. Dying for a Drink: If a girl doesn’t love u any longer, what do u do? Move on? Buy her roses, write love letters and sing her ballads telling of your undying affection? Go to her house and take back everything you bought for her (including your mother’s necklace u stole and gave her)?
For one young tweep, drinking harpic and tweeting about it was his way of showing his love…and stupidity…and madness.The word HARPIC trended for days, with various tweeps weighing in their thoughts about the individual and even the girl who led to it. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, if u’re that nice), it was all a hoax by an upcoming Nigerian artiste, Lil’ Kem to promote his new music video at that time.
What did he gain from it all? A recording contrat with Vector’s YSG. We won’t be surpised if Vector soon drops lines about himself drinking gamalin for love.
4. Baby FACE-OF : From the moment WC debuted his Black Diamond imprint, we could sense that there was something wrong at the Maven Mansion. But when Don Jazzy took the route of publicly denouncing Wande Coal on Twitter for stealing his song, “BabyFace”, the social network went on overdrive almost instantly. Wande Coal duly fired back with counter-claims that the song belonged to him and that he had served Don Papa J faithfully for close to a decade and had only one album to show for it. We just want to take this time to go biblical and remind Wande Coal that Jacob served his father-in-law for 14 years and only got 2 women and a handful of sheep. SO what’re u complaining about bro!
Anyway, Don Jazzy’s numerous fans (most of whom follow him becos of the the hope he’ll tweet credit at them, and not solely becos he’s a damn fine producer) tore mercilessly into WC, showing support for their Don without having knowledge of all the facts.
Both camps have gone quiet after Maven Records officially ended their contract with their former artiste.
5. The Tale of Two Videos: Davido has an uncanny nack of getting himself into public consciousness outside of his music. From being Halleluyah slapped by a Mopol, to having his sleeping picture taken with girls that are obviously uglier than allayu, he is constantly giving social network something to gleefully feed on.
Skelewu was one of the biggest “Summer” (yes, I said it…Rainy season for Nigeria na Summer na) jams of the year and everyone looked forward to the video especially after he took the pains to make a tutorial video on how to actually dance Skelewu. And then the video shot by prolific (but hugely uncreative) Sesan “leaked” (is it just us, or why is it that it’s only Davido’s works that are almost always leaked) on the internet. A few hours after, he accused Sesan of the leak and stated that he wasn’t satisfied with the video and that he was shooting another one in less than a week. And so we waited till the fateful day when Moe Musa, another director no creatively better than Sesan, released the 2nd Skelewu video, that seemed like a direct rip-off of one of LMFAO’s vids and featured oyinbos that had no idea or technical skill on how to skelewu. It was a huge disappointment and tweeps took the opportunity to let the young man know that he was clueless.
6. #TwitPicYourFace: It started somewhere but slowly and surely made it’s way to the Nigerian Twitter sphere and boom, all hell broke loose.
It was one of the funniest 48 hours on Twitter as tweeps, both ugly and good looking (Bhadoosky and TweetMopol being prime examples of both ends of the divide) bombarded Twitter with pictures of their faces. And trust jobless, sharp-mouthed, bad-belle people…It was a killing field of yabs and subs.
7. #TwitPicYourCleavage: This trend, purportedly started by @StarBrope (It’s something only a renowned wanker like that could ever think of), went viral.
The initial set of girls who hopped on the TT started out timidly, but when the bad b*tches came online, they took it to a wholly different level, showing off everything, including their faces. It was a wanker’s dream come true.
8. Nigeria v Kenya Twit-war: A twit-fight is a verbal joust between two individuals, regardless of their physical locations. A twit-war, on the other hand is a war by PEOPLES of a nation against another.
Twitter went ablaze in March when, a few days before a World Cup qualifying match between the Harambee Stars and the Super Eagles, the Nigeria FA was accused of gross mistreatment of the Kenyan players and officials. The Kenyans took it upon themselves to start the #SomeoneTellNigeria hashtag and had been dissing Nigeria for a few hours with scanty notice till the Nigerian Voltrons and Decepticons came online. And trust Naija never to carry last in such matters. The most populous black nation in the world, (Yes, W-O-R-L-D) did what they do best, Yab! It was so major that international news agencies like Al-jazeera and CNN carried stories about it on their sites. Errr…by the way, unbiased judges deemed Kenya to have won. Rematch, anyone?
9. The Straff-ables List: just like in 2012 when the Bangables List first debuted, 2013 featured one of the most talked-about lists which caused major uproar – The STRAFF-ables list…girls you would want to take home to your mother.
Those most aggrieved were dumb broads who felt they deserved to be on the list above others.
10. The Chidinma Sextape: 2013 didn’t really come with any major sextape but when a video surfaced and was claimed to be a sextape of Chidinma Ekele, Twitter went wild…and the wankers got out their Vaseline tubs.
Thousands of tweeps strongly stated that it was her while her most loyal fans stood by her through it all
Chidinma had to come out and state that she was still a virgin (as per say she don see us finish) and that she wasn’t the one in the video. A few weeks later, she said in an interview that her career had benefited from the publicity…hmmm, indeed!
11. Save OJB: Twitter is pretty much a vicious jungle full of wild beasts in the form of human beings with the sole intent of bringing others down. However, starting in June, Nigerians on Twitter showed that they could put aside their differences and work towards a common goal of saving the life of someone whom they truly love and respected.
OJB was diagnosed with cancer and nothing short of $100,000 would save his life. From a man who had produced hit songs and hit albums over the years, to someone having to beg for 16 million to save his life…
Nigerians kicked into action and trended for close to two weeks the #SAVEOJB TT. And to those who couldn’t donate, they made sure they hounded other celebrities till those ones donated to the cause. In that period, Nigerians on Twitter truly united as one.
12. JIMliverance: It seemed like a scene from a movie. It could easily have been titled Deliverance of A Bad Boy, shot by Chico Ejiro and sold a fortnight later by Alaba and Lagos Island marketers…but alas! It was all real (at least, as far as Jim so vehemently claims).
When a video was released online showing Nollywood’s self-acclaimed Bad Boy, Jim Iyke in the SCOAN getting spiritually delivered by TB Joshua himself, all hell broke loose on twitter. Even fellow practitioners like Charles Novia couldn’t help but tweet his own thoughts on the event.
Was it real? Or was it just another publicity stunt? Whatever it was, the demons have not fully left Jim Iyke’s body.
13. SHOWER HOUR IS HAPPY HOUR: What can u possibly get up to in a 5 feet long bath tub, and over 10 cameras beaming youur every move to audiences all over Africa…apparently not sex.
Nigerians went livid with rage when Beverly, representing Nigeria alongside Melvin at the last BBA competition, decided to get into a steamy bath butt naked with Messr. Angelo of South Africa.
She got called every possible sort of name (and once again, our anti-strong language rules prevent us from repeating them here) and the war of words between her die-hard fans and people who felt aggrieved that she shamed the country went on for days on end…right up till the end of the show.
14. Wizkid Hates Broke People: It seemed every time Wizkid tweeted, it would imperatively lead to something major enough to be a talking point for thousands of his followers. The biggest one of all was when he called one of his fans Broke (which, tbh, the fan was, is and could likely continue to be). This led to Wizzy receiving major flak directed towards him by numerous tweeps.
Then there was the Starboy/Banky W issue and his brief spat with J. Martins. Include this with his numerous collaborations and hit songs, and it wasn’t a bad year for the young lad.
16. Monstrous d*ck (father having sex with daughter) turned out to be a lie
17. Maheeda gets chased off Instagram for posting nudes
19. Double wahala for dead body (plain crash involving the corpse of former Osun state governor, Olusegun Agagu)
20. Davido disses Waconzy
21. Ice prince replies Rukus over diss of all notable rappers pertaining to NotJustOk’s list
22. ASUU strike
23. Letter from OBJ to Goodluck Jonathan
24. Iyabo Obasanjo replies father
25. Most Influential Tweeps list
26. LWKMD v TBH list
That’s it folks! Hope u had a great year, and if u didn’t, well, 2014 is there for you to make things better.
From us here at 8HarveyRoad, do have a wonderful year ahead. Cheers!
By: @Layken_Odabo & @Head_Masta