THIS YEAR ON TWITTER (TYOT)

It’s been another 365 days of utter craziness, fun, laughter, pain, happiness, excitement, stupidity and every other thing u can think of on Twitter. We’ve seen it all happen in 2013: the highs and lows, the epic fails and the truly inspiring moments.

The guys at 8HarveyRoad bring to you a definitive list of the talking points and top trending topics of the year.

If u missed any or just feel like reminiscing on the past 52 weeks, this is for you.

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1. Oga at the Top: What better way to kick off list by taking a minute to remember the one singular phrase that dominated the social network and walked boldy into our pop-culture. It all started when the hosts of Channels TV’s breakfast programme, Sunrise Daily,  invited the then Lagos State Commandant of the Nigerian Security and Civil Defence Corps, one Obafaiye Shem for a chat on live television. The climax of his fumblings came when he was asked about the NSCDC’s web address. That was when Mr Shem made the immortal statement : “I cannot categorically tell you one now” and also “My Oga at the Top.”

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Things went viral a few days later when a clip of the interview surfaced online. It trended for almost a month, people made T-shirts (it briefly outsold the “My Money Grows Like Grass” t-shirt), numerous memes were made and it inspired about 4 tracks…DazAll!

2. The Legend of the Buttercup – The 9k Saga: Half of Twitter would have been utterly disappointed (not to talk of disparaging our authenticity) if this particular event wasn’t listed.

If u never heard about the 9k gist, then we at 8HarveyRoad will gladly send u a free, starched and ironed LASTMA uniform. It was supposedly a case of a young, beautiful, innocent *Shem Cough* girl coming out publicly to accuse another fine, upstanding member of our Twitter community of offering her 9k for a night of pre-conjugal bliss. What made matters worse was that she twit-pic’d an image of his male phallus (which, tbh, we were disappointed by it’s skin tone and generally poor size).

Twitter went berserk, with thousands calling the girl names (none of which we can post here due to our anti-strong language and sex rules…Yeah, for real u f*cking b*tches!). Once again, meme creators went to work, with one particular movie-poster-like photo trending.

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There have been claims that the two individuals at the eye of the storm, NickkyButtercup and Okurinm3ta had planned it right from the start. The things people do for cheap popularity.

3. Dying for a Drink: If a girl doesn’t love u any longer, what do u do? Move on? Buy her roses, write love letters and sing her ballads telling of your undying affection? Go to her house and take back everything you bought for her (including your mother’s necklace u stole and gave her)?

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For one young tweep, drinking harpic  and tweeting about it was his way of showing his love…and stupidity…and madness.The word HARPIC trended for days, with various tweeps weighing in their thoughts about the individual and even the girl who led to it. Unfortunately, (or fortunately, if u’re that nice), it was all a hoax by an upcoming Nigerian artiste, Lil’ Kem to promote his new music video at that time.

What did he gain from it all? A recording contrat with Vector’s YSG. We won’t be surpised if Vector soon drops lines about himself drinking gamalin for love.

4. Baby FACE-OF : From the moment WC debuted his Black Diamond imprint, we could sense that there was something wrong at the Maven Mansion. But when Don Jazzy took the route of publicly denouncing Wande Coal on Twitter for stealing his song, “BabyFace”, the social network went on overdrive almost instantly. Wande Coal duly fired back with counter-claims that the song belonged to him and that he had served Don Papa J faithfully for close to a decade and had only one album to show for it. We just want to take this time to go biblical and remind Wande Coal that Jacob served his father-in-law for 14 years and only  got 2 women and a handful of sheep. SO what’re u complaining about bro!

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Anyway, Don Jazzy’s numerous fans (most of whom follow him becos of the the hope he’ll tweet credit at them, and not solely becos he’s a damn fine producer) tore mercilessly into WC, showing support for their Don without having knowledge of all the facts.

Both camps have gone quiet after Maven Records officially ended their contract with their former artiste.

5. The Tale of Two Videos: Davido has an uncanny nack of getting himself into public consciousness outside of his music. From being Halleluyah slapped by a Mopol, to having his sleeping picture taken with girls that are obviously uglier than allayu, he is constantly giving social network something to gleefully feed on.

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Skelewu was one of the biggest “Summer” (yes, I said it…Rainy season for Nigeria na Summer na) jams of the year and everyone looked forward to the video especially after he took the pains to make a tutorial video on how to actually dance Skelewu. And then the video shot by prolific (but hugely uncreative) Sesan “leaked” (is it just us, or why is it that it’s only Davido’s works that are almost always leaked) on the internet. A few hours after, he accused Sesan of the leak and stated that he wasn’t satisfied with the video and that he was shooting another one in less than a week. And so we waited till the fateful day when Moe Musa, another director no creatively better than Sesan, released the 2nd Skelewu video, that seemed like a direct rip-off of one of LMFAO’s vids and featured oyinbos that had no idea or technical skill on how to skelewu. It was a huge disappointment and tweeps took the opportunity to let the young man know that he was clueless.

6. #TwitPicYourFace: It started somewhere but slowly and surely made it’s way to the Nigerian Twitter sphere and boom, all hell broke loose.

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It was one of the funniest 48 hours on Twitter as tweeps, both ugly and good looking (Bhadoosky and TweetMopol being prime examples of both ends of the divide) bombarded Twitter with pictures of their faces. And trust jobless, sharp-mouthed, bad-belle people…It was a killing field of yabs and subs.

7. #TwitPicYourCleavage: This trend, purportedly started by @StarBrope (It’s something only a renowned wanker like that  could ever think of), went viral.

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The initial set of girls who hopped on the TT started out timidly, but when the bad b*tches came online, they took it to a wholly different level, showing off everything, including their faces. It was a wanker’s dream come true.

8. Nigeria v Kenya Twit-war: A twit-fight is a verbal joust between two individuals, regardless of their physical locations. A twit-war, on the other hand is a war by PEOPLES of a nation against another.

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Twitter went ablaze in March when, a few days before a World Cup qualifying match between the Harambee Stars and the Super Eagles, the Nigeria FA was accused of gross mistreatment of the Kenyan players and officials. The Kenyans took it upon themselves to start the #SomeoneTellNigeria hashtag and had been dissing Nigeria for a few hours with scanty notice till the Nigerian Voltrons and Decepticons came online. And trust Naija never to carry last in such matters. The most populous black nation in the world, (Yes, W-O-R-L-D) did what they do best, Yab! It was so major that international news agencies like Al-jazeera and CNN carried stories about it on their sites. Errr…by the way, unbiased judges deemed Kenya to have won. Rematch, anyone?

9. The Straff-ables List: just like in 2012 when the Bangables List first debuted, 2013 featured one of the most talked-about lists which caused major uproar – The STRAFF-ables list…girls you would want to take home to your mother.

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Those most aggrieved were dumb broads who felt they deserved to be on the list above others.

10. The Chidinma Sextape: 2013 didn’t really come with any major sextape but when a video surfaced and was claimed to be a sextape of Chidinma Ekele, Twitter went wild…and the wankers got out their Vaseline tubs.

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Thousands of tweeps strongly stated that it was her while her most loyal fans stood by her through it all

Chidinma had to come out and state that she was still a virgin (as per say she don see us finish) and that she wasn’t the one in the video. A few weeks later, she said in an interview that her career had benefited from the publicity…hmmm, indeed!

11. Save OJB: Twitter is pretty much a vicious jungle full of wild beasts in the form of human beings with the sole intent of bringing others down. However, starting in June, Nigerians on Twitter showed that they could put aside their differences and work towards a common goal of saving the life of someone whom they truly love and respected.

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OJB was diagnosed with cancer and nothing short of $100,000 would save his life. From a man who had produced hit songs and hit albums over the years, to someone having to beg for 16 million to save his life…

Nigerians kicked into action and trended for close to two weeks the #SAVEOJB TT. And to those who couldn’t donate, they made sure they hounded other celebrities till those ones donated to the cause. In that period, Nigerians on Twitter truly united as one.

12. JIMliverance: It seemed like a scene from a movie. It could easily have been titled Deliverance of A Bad Boy, shot by Chico Ejiro and sold a fortnight later by Alaba and Lagos Island marketers…but alas! It was all real (at least, as far as Jim so vehemently claims).

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When a video was released online showing Nollywood’s self-acclaimed Bad Boy, Jim Iyke in the SCOAN getting spiritually delivered by TB Joshua himself, all hell broke loose on twitter.  Even fellow practitioners like Charles Novia couldn’t help but tweet his own thoughts on the event.

Was it real? Or was it just another publicity stunt? Whatever it was, the demons have not fully left Jim Iyke’s body.

13.  SHOWER HOUR IS HAPPY HOUR: What can u possibly get up to in a 5 feet long bath tub, and over 10 cameras beaming youur every  move to audiences all over Africa…apparently not sex.

Nigerians went livid with rage when Beverly, representing Nigeria alongside Melvin at the last BBA competition, decided to get into a steamy bath butt naked with Messr. Angelo of  South Africa.

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She got called every possible sort of name (and once again, our anti-strong language rules prevent us from repeating them here) and the war of words between her die-hard fans and people who felt aggrieved that she shamed the country went on for days on end…right up till the end of the show.

14. Wizkid Hates Broke People: It seemed every time Wizkid tweeted, it would imperatively lead to something  major enough to be a talking point for thousands of his followers. The biggest one of all was when he called one of his fans Broke (which, tbh, the fan was, is and could likely continue to be). This led to Wizzy receiving major flak directed towards him by numerous tweeps.

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Then there was the Starboy/Banky W issue and his brief spat with J. Martins. Include this with his numerous collaborations and hit songs, and it wasn’t a bad year for the young lad.

Notable mentions:

16.  Monstrous d*ck (father having sex with daughter) turned out to be a lie

17. Maheeda gets chased off Instagram for posting nudes

18. #SavePaKasumu

19. Double wahala for dead body (plain crash involving the corpse of former Osun state governor, Olusegun Agagu)

20. Davido disses Waconzy

21. Ice prince replies Rukus over diss of all notable rappers pertaining to NotJustOk’s list

22. ASUU strike

23. Letter from OBJ to Goodluck Jonathan

24. Iyabo Obasanjo replies father

25. Most Influential Tweeps list

26. LWKMD v TBH list

That’s it folks! Hope u had a great year, and if u didn’t, well, 2014 is there for you to make things better.

From us here at 8HarveyRoad, do have a wonderful year ahead. Cheers!

By: @Layken_Odabo & @Head_Masta

The Search for Mr. Right

Actively seek out your soulmate and you will find him

Does Mr. Right exist? Is he out there somewhere? Will I find him? Mr. Right is a key subject for many women and an inspiration of hope on a daily basis. Yes, he probably exists. Yes, he is probably your match. Yes, you WILL find him! Of course, in all our lives we have goals, aims, ambitions and desires small and large. It is these landmarks and goalposts that keep us positive and busy. It is what makes us human. In recent years the terms Mr. Right and Miss Right have become over used and cliched. It is almost as if we have a chart on our wall, an extensive checklist or a resume of specifics to get his/her foot through the door of the “potentials” interview.

Most ladies would deny they are pushing away Mr. Right as they hope that chance will take a hand in bringing Mr. Right to us. Many ladies accept that they have a small but insignificant list and yes, they accept that there are some requirements on it which are non-negotiable, but they are fairly minor. Or are they?

The fact of the matter is that as the decades have passed by, women have become far more sophisticated, as humans, as individuals, as lovers and as mates. They are adults, they have a good salary and a nice home and are they are educated in the ways of the world. Therefore it is only fair that they seek someone to match, to fit in, to adapt, to accompany, to facilitate, right? Therein lies the issue. The fact is that Mr. Right also has a checklist of his wishes and needs, only a small one of course, but a list all the same, and he is ticking off your assets as they speak. He wants someone young, someone well educated, someone good looking and in shape.

Look at your list and look carefully at what or who constitutes your Mr. Right and then look again. Are you sure first of all that your tick list is available.? Yes, or are you willing to negotiate? Okay, so you are happy with your list. Then what? Are you willing to go out and get your Mr. right or are you waiting for Mr. Right.

The word ‘waiting’ is of concern. By waiting it means men come to you by chance, perhaps by design and you tick off their assets, you check them out and then cast off anyone who doesn’t match your list. Maybe you do, but remember this my friends, Mr. Right is looking for his Miss Right. How much should he accept you as you are and fit in around you? If he really did slot in to your life, would he really be Mr. Right or an accoutrement, an asset, a trinket that you would get bored of?

The one most common question asked by eligible men these days is, “where have all the nice girls gone?” Think about these words carefully. These men are not asking where the doormats went; the meek mice, the housewife slaves. Not at all! What they are asking is where all the women who don’t have huge checklists as long as their arms went. Most men simply want someone to love, someone who they can dote on in their own way and who they can feel special and share with. The problem for them is that they are constantly under the pressure of women’s checklists. They are told they must adapt and fit in, they are trying to fulfil their part of the list bargain and then they are faced with the Miss Rights out there.

As a potential Miss Right, you owe it to yourself to complete a few tasks. Take a long, hard look at your list and ask yourself exactly how flexible you are being. Secondly, look at who your Mr. Right is and how truthfully obtainable they are. Thirdly, don’t fool yourself about your own potentials but don’t compromise on ideals either. Fourthly, bring yourself out into the open and go after Mr. Right. Don’t play the waiting game, because you do not want to spend the rest of your life knowing your Mr. Perfect is married to someone else when he could have been yours. And finally, compromise is the key in reality, for all things Mr. Right must be, try and balance that with attempting to be something your Mr. Right doesn’t want to miss.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Lovey-Dovey April

Following the positive comments tweets and emails I received on yesterday’s article “What Men Really Want”, I’ve decided to focus primarily on matters of the heart for the next few weeks. I can already hear some of u ladies cooing “awww, how sweet”, and the guys like: “Sellout! Ashewo!”

Throughout the month of April, I’ll be posting articles strictly on Love, Romance and Relationship. That should quell the tongues of those who say 8HarveyRoad is anti-feminist and anti-relationship.
Please, do leave your comments and views. And if you’d like me to publish your own article, just let me know. Cheers!

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

What Men Really Want

It’s been quite some time since I posted anything on this blog, 3 months and 6 days to be precise. And what things have happened to me since then! My girlfriend dumped me, My side chick upped and left, my baby mama’s been seeing a new dude and I’m left all alone in this cold, cold world.
In between battling bouts of depression, watching soppy romance films (Titanic: 5 times; The Notebook: 5 times; I Spit On Your Grave: 13 times) and listening to songs from Drake and Byno; I thought deep and hard on what I really wanted in a woman and in a modern-day relationship and in extension, what all men want.
Now, the views below may not sit well with some men, but deep down inside they know it is true. But this article isn’t written for the menfolk, it’s for the single woman, those in a relationship and those about to go into one. Read and delve a little deeper into a man’s feelings and desires. Know what he wants and needs and, if you can, act on them.

Women often say that men confuse them and they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn’t worked so now, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave.

If modern media is to be believed, many women don’t care what a man is looking for anymore because they have been empowered by their own sexuality and are comfortable in their new role as sexually liberated career women in charge of their own destiny. In which case, as long as the man wants them, that is fine. It doesn’t matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The old male traditions are crumbling and with them their innate self-respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.

Any woman reading this may say, well it’s a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man’s role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.

Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. “Starting” is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren’t large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world. However, in “western” cities a change is in full swing. Men know that to find a mate they are going to have to work harder than ever before and they are aware that women call the shots far more than ever before. But this doesn’t essentially change what a man is looking for. Okay so what is a man seeking?

First of all, a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women, but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right. Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much, but be careful. Men aren’t necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don’t like women who weigh 100lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and there can’t be a man who would say otherwise.

Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss you gave your gorgeous male “bestie” may not count as flirtatious behaviour and in fact, it’s all great fun and part of a woman’s character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who really does trust.

Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.

Men are seeking women who are feminine, gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering (though some do), it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring
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Men want women with a great sense of humour. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is ‘one of the boys’. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humour and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.

Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn’t make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink bottles of beer, it doesn’t necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say “well man, we just have to get used to it”, but the issue is that they don’t. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.

Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.

Men don’t like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500, it holds no glory whatsoever.
Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they’re in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.

Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn’t there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most cases, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.

Men want a woman who will commit to them. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the level of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there. Men don’t want to be alone.

This article can easily fire a great debate. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long-term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don’t necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek the respect from their partner.
While women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

PARODY OF THE ‘ROMANCES’

Have you ever read a romance novel before? Ok, my bad, of course you have! Either from Mills and Boons or from Danielle Steel. If you’re a big fan of those, I beg you, stop reading right now because you’re going to hate me when this is over.
 
I love a good romance story, I mean, who doesn’t, right? But do they have to be so fucking predictable? (pardon my French). Ok, there are usually two characters who fall in love. Let’s call the guy Louis and the girl Laura. Notice how Louis and Laura always hate each other at the beginning of the story. Or rather, how she always hates him? Why does it always have to be that way? Can’t they be friends or classmates who get along? I mean, think about it.
 
 Laura will always notice Louis across a room. There’s a party going on and though he’s not the life of it, she just has to notice because he’s her soul mate. Louis notices Laura too because (1) she’s drooling like a fucking idiot (2) she’s standing perfectly still looking at him when everyone else is dancing (3) the author wrote it that way. He comes over and says something cheesy like, “like what you see?” or something lame like, “nice party, huh?” And she chokes on whatever alcohol she’s drinking and turns red because (1) she never expected him to speak English (2) no one has never said those words to her (3) the author wanted it that way. They keep talking and she finds out that he’s incredibly rich, (because face it, no one is ever poor in romance novels) and he wants her number. She declines and he presses further till he says something that makes her pour her drink in his face. She leaves the party in anger. She goes home and narrates what happened to her best
friend, who could either be a boy or a girl.
 
Now, if it’s a boy, he’s in love with her but she doesn’t realise it. If it’s a girl, she’s in love with Louis before she has even met him. Let’s just agree it’s a girl, a girl called Julia. Julia listens carefully and doesn’t ask questions because she knows Louis and she can’t tell Laura that.
 
Julia says Laura needs to find Louis and apologise to him. Laura does just that. Louis is the town’s bad boy so everyone knows where he lives and it’s easy for her to find him. She gets to his home, a mansion or a castle because dear Louis is the richest man in the whole universe. She’s so dumbfounded by the beautiful house that she stammers her apology when she sees him. And as always, the perfect gentleman has forgiven her already. But he makes her pay by giving him her number and insisting she stays for dinner. She would normally refuse but her stomach chose that exact moment to growl and she lost the argument. So as the cook is doing something glamorous and mouth watering in the kitchen, Louis and Laura share a bottle of fine wine as they walk through his exquisite garden. Laura’s getting tipsy so he tells Louis about her past.
 
Laura’s mum died after her dad (a gorgeous smart ass like Louis) left her for her best friend. This is the reason why she hates Louis so much. Louis understands this and promises her that he’ll never hurt her. He wipes her tears away and looks deeply into her eyes/ soul. She lets out a gasp before their lips met, (This is the part where most girls flips three pages). Laura is in heaven because (1) Louis is a great kisser (2) she can’t believe he’s actually kissing her (3) that’s how the author wanted it. They are then interrupted by the cook, who announces, after a lot of coughing and awkward glances, that dinner is ready.
 
So they eat something exquisite like roasted flamingo dipped in rainbow sauce with baked rabbit dressing on the side. Oh, with fine wine of course. Laura is the happiest woman on earth and watching him eat, she decides she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. Dinner is over, they leave the dining room and go out for some fresh air. It’s a beautiful night, the sky is full of stars and there’s love in the air. He asks if she’s cold as he touches her cheek, she shivers because (1) he touched her cheek (2) she felt the warmth in his touch (and erm, don’t ask me how but it kinda made fire spark in her loin and (3) the author liked it that way.
 
Why does Louis always have to be huge, tall and strong? Why does he always have to be a heartbreaker? Whatever happened to short, nerdy guys? I know some really cute short guys a lot of girls would kill to date. Like Konga or M.I Abaga, for instance, (I can’t believe am doing this).
 
So they kiss softly at first then Louis deepens the kiss and a soft moan escapes from her lips. He kisses her cheeks, her nose (maybe her nostrils too, hehehe), her ears, her teeth……..ok so he kissed everything because she’s not allowed to kiss him back on the first date. So he cupps her ‘small’ creamy/succulent breasts lightly in his hands and takes one bud/ nipple into his mouth. A husky moan escapes from his throat. Ok, am going to stop here.
 
You all know what happened under the sky of beautiful stars. He takes her back home because she said a lady isn’t supposed to spend the night at a guy’s place on the first date.
Clearly she has forgotten that he just banged her. Ahhh, what love does to us.
 
They arrive at her house and they do the thing where they stand at the door and stare at each other like retards. Julia opens the front door and Laura introduces them. However, Julia already knows who Louis is because she had a “thing” with him like twelve years ago. Laura is hurt, she feels so betrayed. History is repeating itself all over again. The bastard was going to dump her for her friend, she could feel it. So she slams the door in their faces and runs upstairs to have a good cry. She does this for like two months. Until one day, she decides to relocate.
 
So she packs her bags and heads to the airport. (No, you guessed wrong, he doesn’t stop her before she gets on the plane). She moves to another country and stays there for like a year or two. She’s over Louis. She even has a new guy in her life, Tom. Tom is not half as rich or as handsome as Louis but that’s who she wants now. They even talked about getting married and starting a family. Oh, and they live together too. Now, Laura is home alone making lunch when a voice from the TV distracts her.
 
That voice, oh. She immediately feels the fire spark in her loins(like I said, don’t ask me how). She looks at the TV now and turns up the volume. Louis is being interviewed by whoever the other guy is. He has just bought the old castle in the country she now lives in and he is still single. The host of the program drills him why this is so and of course, he let his story out. The story about Laura, the only woman he has ever loved. She breaks down in tears and grabs her car keys.
 
She races to the studio where the interview just ended and Louis is just coming out of the building. She stops when she sees him, expecting him to come to her. Oh, but he doesn’t. Because (1) The dude is an asshole (2) That’s what happens in romance stories (3) The author wanted it so. So she starts crying and apologising for how she reacted. She confesses that she still loves him and will never stop. It’s only then that he takes her up in his arms and kisses her. The news crew caught this on camera of course and soon, the whole city would be talking about it. “Marry me, Laura” “Yes, I will.”
 
 Two words, people. Effing boring!
 

9 SITUATIONS WHERE YOU HAVE TO CHEAT

You have a girlfriend or you’re wifed up. First, I’m sorry for your luck. Have fun watching Tinsel and drinking tonic water every weekday from 6:30pm while your friends are out doing fun things like getting drunk and nailing hot chicks. At 8HarveyRoad, we’re not anti-relationship, but what we will say is that there are certain times where it might be appropriate to stray. Here are just a few examples:

1. In A Strip Club Room With A Hot Female Celebrity

I don’t care who it is. It’s just awesome. She is there for a reason and my guess is that it isn’t because she wants to make good decisions later that night. I’m thinking you may see a Monalisa Chindu or Shan George in this spot. Not exactly climbing Mount Everest, but a decent story.

2. Threesome With 2 Chicks You Had A Crush On In H.S

Even if they’ve let themselves go since graduating, you still have that fantasy file you can access

3. In the Bathroom of A Plane With An Icelandic Flight Attendant

The thicker the accent and tighter the hair bun, the better. The smaller the bathroom the hotter.

4. In A Stock Car With A Hot Latina Mechanic

The gearshift will come in handy, trust me.

5. In A studio Room With A Female Reporter

Someone like Supersport’s Mmabasotho Lenkoe or Carol Tshabalal. I bet they’d would even let you watch Supersport 5 (that’s HD, right), while hittin’ it.

6. In A Gym With Nike Oshinowo

If you think she’s intense about getting people to lose all that excess fat, can you imagine what she’d be like in bed? I think after an experience like that you may never cheat again.

7. All of Charlies Angels
All of ‘em. IN COSTUME.

8. Any Actress From Your favorite Childhood Show

Having sex with a TV show personality isn’t exactly cheating. Instead of having sex with say Yinka Olukonga for example, you’re having sex with Nnena (or any other character she’s played). It isn’t cheating if she isn’t real.

DISCLAIMER:
Cheating on your spouse or girlfriends can cause the following:

Burning of clothes
A black eye
Loss of prized memorabilia
Kidnapping and possible murder
Loss of 50% of assets
Non-surgical removal of penis

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

GET A MONDAY MORNING BLOWJOB

Very few people I know look forward to Mondays. After a weekend that goes faster than what it takes for a mosquito to cum, it’s back to the daily hustle and bustle for the next 5 days. And if you live in a city like Lagos where getting to and from work and even taking a leak is a stressful ordeal, you can only begin to imagine the kind of fucked up individuals there.

Most people wish there was no such thing as a Monday and as they make it to the workplace or school, they’re so fucked up that they only want to fuck up your own day and week too! Check yourself, this could actually be you.
But you know, your week is determined largely by how you start it. Yeah, Monday to Friday can be a whole better experience by getting yourself in that positive frame of mind right from the set go.

Question is, what’s the best way to start the week on a Monday morning?

Prayer? For Chrisssakes, you spent hours on Sunday gyrating your body and praying konk prayers for prosperity and a marriage mate (depending on your most pressing need).

There’s another school of thought which believes that one should start the week off by thinking of happy thoughts and laughing. As nice as it may sound, waking up on a Monday morning and laughing at nothing in particular would probably get u a bed in 8 Harvey Road, Yaba, Lagos.

We at 8HarveyRoad have a different philosophy about how to start a Monday and I’m willing to share it with you today in order to better your life.
I call it the Monday Morning Blowjob.

There’s no better way start into a new week than with a nice blowjob on a Monday morning.
Seriously, think about it. It solves a lot of things at once. You can have your morning prayers (screaming Oh God, Oh Jesus!) while getting a BJ. It’s a form of exercise in its own right as all your, muscles will be put to use; and once done, will leave you with a permanent grin and a sweet feeling for the rest of the week.

It doesn’t matter whether your male or female, you need to kick-start your week with something memorable. Get your mate to go down on you and make sure u orgasm, coz there’s no point starting something that you cant finish coz it will leave u more tense than you started out.
It’s advisable to get that BJ at home, but for those who don’t have that opportunity of having a member of the opposite sex readily available, anywhere (office store-room or even school toilet) can be used.

No matter how awful your week goes from that point, you can always look back at Monday Morning and think of that amazing orgasm you had and I bet you, things would look a lot more manageable.

So, kindly do yourself, your boss, colleagues, employees, this nation and the world a favour by getting a MONDAY MORNING BLOWJOB.

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