It’s been quite some time since I posted anything on this blog, 3 months and 6 days to be precise. And what things have happened to me since then! My girlfriend dumped me, My side chick upped and left, my baby mama’s been seeing a new dude and I’m left all alone in this cold, cold world.
In between battling bouts of depression, watching soppy romance films (Titanic: 5 times; The Notebook: 5 times; I Spit On Your Grave: 13 times) and listening to songs from Drake and Byno; I thought deep and hard on what I really wanted in a woman and in a modern-day relationship and in extension, what all men want.
Now, the views below may not sit well with some men, but deep down inside they know it is true. But this article isn’t written for the menfolk, it’s for the single woman, those in a relationship and those about to go into one. Read and delve a little deeper into a man’s feelings and desires. Know what he wants and needs and, if you can, act on them.
Women often say that men confuse them and they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn’t worked so now, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave.
If modern media is to be believed, many women don’t care what a man is looking for anymore because they have been empowered by their own sexuality and are comfortable in their new role as sexually liberated career women in charge of their own destiny. In which case, as long as the man wants them, that is fine. It doesn’t matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The old male traditions are crumbling and with them their innate self-respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.
Any woman reading this may say, well it’s a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man’s role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.
Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. “Starting” is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren’t large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world. However, in “western” cities a change is in full swing. Men know that to find a mate they are going to have to work harder than ever before and they are aware that women call the shots far more than ever before. But this doesn’t essentially change what a man is looking for. Okay so what is a man seeking?
First of all, a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women, but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right. Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much, but be careful. Men aren’t necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don’t like women who weigh 100lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and there can’t be a man who would say otherwise.
Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss you gave your gorgeous male “bestie” may not count as flirtatious behaviour and in fact, it’s all great fun and part of a woman’s character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who really does trust.
Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.
Men are seeking women who are feminine, gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering (though some do), it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring
Men want women with a great sense of humour. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is ‘one of the boys’. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humour and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.
Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn’t make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink bottles of beer, it doesn’t necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say “well man, we just have to get used to it”, but the issue is that they don’t. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.
Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.
Men don’t like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500, it holds no glory whatsoever.
Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they’re in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.
Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn’t there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most cases, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.
Men want a woman who will commit to them. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the level of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there. Men don’t want to be alone.
This article can easily fire a great debate. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long-term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don’t necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek the respect from their partner.
While women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.
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